- A Lonely Childhood, A Lonely Teenhood, and media fiction is my only friend
Monday, August 19, 2019
Adults Get Bullied Too ! Erica Crooks
Introduction ( August 19 2019 )
Adults Get Bullied Too ! Is the very first book I have ever written . It took me a lot of courage to write about how I was taken advantage of and abused in 2009 . It was written between 2013 and 2014 from what I remember. The Law of Attraction has changed my life for the better and a lot of what this book as to say reflects that as well as coming out of the closet as a Transgender Woman . It’s 10 years later and at times I am still surprised that I am still alive ! 10 years later I have never been happier and freer to be me , yes … I survived .
Many of the things I have said in this book are still a product of it’s time. It was before I became an Anarchist ( Summer of 2017 ) , and before I meet the very soulmate I have had telepathy with since 2007 who I meet face to face in late 2015 / spring 2016 ( My Twin Flame ) .
Also little things like website name change and that sort of thing. ( officialericcrooks . com from ( 2013 - 2019 ) , ericacrooks . Com ( 2015 / 2016 - 2019 ) for example .
But just as long as I appear on camera and people who know me can confirm it , then it’s REAL !
In “ Adults Get Bullied Too ! “ I have mentioned that the bullies in question have personality disorders. This is still true but as an Anarchist I know now it goes beyond that due to social hierarchy / hierarchical power over others.
In the end we are all one. Love is natural to the Devine soul and fear is taught .
_ Erica Crooks
Adults Get Bullied Too ! ( Can You Relate ) : An Erica Crooks Autobiography
An autobiography of a PTSD survivor who has been victimized by cyberbullying, trolling and adult bullying on and offline
Copyright © 2014 / 2016 Erica Crooks
All rights reserved.
This book is dedicated to all innocent victims of cyberbullying, trolling and other online abuse. We all know that’s it’s absolutely wrong and should be taken seriously as a punishable crime.
This book is also dedicated in memory of those who have committed suicide due to it’s harmful effects of emotional harm.
My deepest sympathy.
Returning from hell and back couldn’t be placed more appropriately. My life until age 25 was created by those around me in which I stayed passive like a pin ball in a pinball machine. My mother had a learning disability of some kind, suffered mild depression, slow moving and speaking, in debt and trapped in poverty. My father was a cruel mentally ill perfectionist who worked 7 full day shifts a week. Middle Class was his biggest achievement, worrying about money was where his attention was spent. The littlest scratch on his car can set him unto an uproar. Him and his wife ( ex- wicked step mother ) both had personality disorders of some sort. One moment they were casual, friendly, and bland. The test they were very close to make me want to commit suicide by making me constantly punching, biting and choking myself until I threw myself on the bed crying in self hatred, fear and a prey to God to send good friends for me to run away with. I was never a juvenile delinquent but I was disciplined like one always. My biggest crimes in that middle class house from hell must have been not coming to the dinner table when my father first screamed at me from down stairs and maybe forgetting to take out the garbage. And did I get punished for that, oh yes. No creative computer work for one night set to my room and the wife thinking I’m the most vicious, unthankful, cruel monster in the world even though the truth is the other way around. My mother saved my life on that cruel night of late October 2009 when my father threatened to take away my art “ The Eric Crooks Show “ but to “ Beat The Shit Out Of Me For “ standing up for myself telling his wife “ You should have stayed out of my life since the beginning. “ I feared my father all of my life, that man who bought me nice things and took me to the dream vacations that were a dream come true. But his abuse outweighed the nice things he did. This man who thought money can by love and was the only thing he would listen to which had nothing to do with emotional nurturing support, trust, taking responsibility for his mental illness, or anything he wanted. I forgive him in my heart a little bit because he was this sad man who had a kid and didn’t know how to express love as a father. He just stuck to buying me things and if I dare question his abuse, I got “ For All We Do For You, is this the thanks we get ? HOW DARE YOU ! You should be Damn thankful for what we got ! Want us to show you a homeless person for you to compare ? “ If I was homeless, at least I was not in the house from hell. But being homeless was the fear that always stopped me from running away. Not only did I run off with my mother asking them permission, I was officially ban from their house hold. From 2009 to 2014, I worried about my original puppets and art in which I have created and funded the supplies with only $100 allowance from 2007 - 2009. That, my childhood priced possessions I loved dear, all thrown away without letting me know. They sold that house from hell. If my mother didn’t squawk to him saying that I have no room in my apartment as well as her own personal anxiety that I would be thrown out for having too much stuff, perhaps my original puppets that I’ve created since 2000 - 2009 would someday be on display in an art museum. Bad Parents that got me mis-diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome but I ended up in 2009 / 2010 being truly diagnosed with what I actually did have which was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Today the only challenge I need to face having PTSD is nightmares of the man or lonely past of High School and to trust people again.
From 2008 - early 2012 I was in a 5 year friendship with a job coach who claimed to be a satirical comedy screenplay writer. It took me 2 years after he took advantage of me to discover the dark truth that he was a cyberbully / troll online as well as his close friend or brother claiming to be me online as a stereotypical middle eastern terrorist who bullies young adults with disabilities or members of the LGBT. And finally after all that, in 2013 I have finally came out as a Transgender mtf Transwoman Lesbian Femme with the ENFP personality type. This is the Erica Crooks you know of today. And this book is my autobiography of my past life of abuse.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Erica and I’ve been a victim of bullying on and off the internet. And I hope with my book, not only would I be able to influence you positively with advice and self esteem but also to be there for you with deep sympathy because your not alone.
Some might recognize me as the satirical comedic master mind behind “The Eric Crooks Show” and other satirical comedy on my official website www.officialericcrooks.com
Not many people understand what satire is and what satire does, but I can simply put it that satire is not bullying, it’s an art to damn the wrong, evil and cruel and humiliate humanity’s negativity in an artistic, intellectual way through political opinion and fiction / semi-fiction. It’s an art form.
They say that trolling and cyberbully is an art form which I know for a fact that IT IS NOT.
Many bullies would use the excuse of the word “SATIRE” to save them from legal trouble and as a satirist I say once more that bullying is not satire because satire is about damning bullies and bullying by humiliating it’s stupidity and ignorance through intellectual humor, art and political opinion.
Now why did I write this book ? Well many reasons. One is that I’m a very caring person. My personality type is quite free spirited but that’s a whole different subject perhaps for another book.
The technology age is wonderful, you know it and so do I. But sadly social media I feel is a distraction from all the knowledge that we can learn. Even to the point of gaining self-confidence and being able to do and become anything we want. We can create our own lives and in todays day and age, it’s like a public library right at our fingertips. Even more current on our telephones and television.
But because of it’s freedom of speech there are sick people out there that use it as an anarchic excuse to cause civil crimes on the internet. As well as anonymity. But thanks to psychological intelligence, we can see through their false identity and illegal technology.
Crimes even though are still in the early stages of becoming a legal law, Cyberstalking is in fact a civil crime in some states and countries. Some website web masters do take abuse seriously if you report it to them, however I’ve only seen very few which most are social media networking sites which treat their website’s activity like a pool or beach with no life guard “Swimming at your own risk”. And in my personal opinion is absolutely terrible business and advertisers should never associate with such companies who ignore that kind of safety of their customers.
Even if you promote your business on social media, your just as much of a customer as those who are on your page and it’s the responsibility of that website’s webmaster.
To explain about my experience on a personal level and I’m sure many can relate and perhaps you’ve seen my personal blog which I talk about this very subject on my website www.officialericcrooks.com
But like many, I’ve had verbally abusive parents.
They hated everything that made me an individual. Anything that make me stand out from the crowd in pride. Everything I ever wanted to be and loved, they disapproved it. And I’m no longer in personal contact with them, in fact I ran away from them. I have a strong belief that they had a personality disorder of some kind, most likely Multiple Personality Disorder.
I was mis-diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome at a very young age. Even though I’ve discovered this mistake in my adult years, the positive side of it all was I’ve meet many people who have it and they were very nice friends when I knew them. I’ve seen the world of disabled people that not many people see. I’ve seen some which they couldn’t speak and were very low functioning however can play a musical instrument and draw professionally.
I’ve even witnessed abuse from those that most people would least expect which would be their own social workers and teachers behind closed doors, even job coaches probably with the belief that it’s only the client and them, they can get away with abuse and no one would ever know. Even though this book is not dedicated to that, hopefully my message would bring a political awareness to make you think twice and be cautious for those with family and friend members who need a helping hand due to their disability.
The big reason why I wanted to mention abusive job coaches for those who work with people with disabilities because it’s relates to my experience. At the time when I wasn’t aware that I was mis-diagnosed, a man who’s name for legal reasons will not be mentioned in this book was a job coach of mine.
As a Transgender MTF Woman / Lesbian today, I’ve lived a life of confusion and even abuse from men. So making friends with men used to be one which was always taken from caution for my own safety which sadly today was a bit ignorant and slightly prejudice.
This man made me laugh and was very friendly. I thought that we were kind minded people. He was a very close friend of mine and probably one of my best friends for about 5 years.
I showed him my early filmed work of my show “The Eric Crooks Show” to him and we spend days just laughing and having a good time. We took the excuse of the “Bad Economy” to a positive where our 8 hours were usually spent going out to lunch at a mall food court, going to the library, going out for coffee, and just having a good time laughing at the stupidity of the world and untalented hack celebrities who were famous. I thought I’ve meet a good friend. The guy who drove me to college. He told me that he had dreams of writing movies with a lifetime friend of his which I have meet many times. I’ve even collaborated with them with my filmmaking skills to create some shorts for them to help their careers of writing movies which executives won’t be able to take away their creative control and vision.
Dark satirical comedy movies which of course was right up my alley and expertise.
They even won a film festival screenplay contest and was featured in a newspaper.
I even animated some films for them so they can add it to their personal portfolio.
They not only verbally abused me while I animated their short films and were taking advantage of me within their scripts because at the time I just let it all hang out and would never ever suspect them of wrong doing. I bought my friends Christmas and Birthday presents, emailed them all the time sending them interesting things, visiting my job coach friend a couple times a month just chatting, laughing and having a good time.
Around the time I first meet him, someone who claimed to be muslim liked my videos on youtube.
As a deserve nonjudgmental person at the time and still today, I never would have thought that this person wasn’t religious at all but instead the job coach friend and his buddy (who I trusted and said nothing but nice things to everyone I knew ) cyberbullying me behind my back. My verbally abusive father threaten to hurt me and thought he was going to get bombed and screamed on how it’s all my fault. That’s when I ran away, that’s when I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The healthiest thing I could do was ignore it because if I seen what was going it, I would get very very sick.
I never acted on suicide but of course like many who aren’t aware of what was really happening, there is a negative feeling of just wanting to die and end the pain.
Life is beautiful and like I mentioned, I have deep sympathy for those who did unfortunately take their lives away and couldn’t be saved in time or anyone listening to their cries for help.
How did I find out this was my ex-friend? I heard their voices on the videos. Again they were pretending to be discriminating prejudice political stereotypes. I am not religious but I am into New Thought Spirituality. And I’m barely interested in big time politics because philosophy I believe that there are no evil human beings. We are only human and regardless of anything we need to think positive within our perception and be open minded to those who differ from us.
But of course that’s not all this person did.
He pretended to be me as a terrorist. He stool my videos.
He went after people with disabilities, people who differ from them and perhaps even people of the LGBT.
I take no responsibility for those he hurt with my identity, however I do have deep sympathy and hope those people will someday learn the truth on my official website site www.officialericcrooks.com or even this book.
He and his friend stabbed me in the back since 2009 and continue to do this today.
But guess what, I faced my fears of returning my public identity on the internet even with my mild case of PTSD. I even meet many friends who helped me with my self-esteem. And learning about New Thought Spirituality I can say with a combination of that and believing my satirical comedy arts, I am still living to this day.
This of course isn’t my biography. However life has it’s challenges, jerks will never go away but doesn’t mean you have to pay any attention to them.
Years ago when I was a victim of bullying, I thought bad thoughts about myself and felt I was alone.
Today I’m very assertive, self-confident and friendly as ever. And I know I am not alone and I want to remind those who are reading this book that you aren’t either.
That’s why I love creating self-help projects like this, I can create something which I could have used in my past. But if that existed them this book probably won’t have existed for you because I won’t have written it.
Also another reason why I felt this book should have been written is because it’s all over the news.
People suffer this abuse all the time and like I said, authorities and some companies do not take it seriously as a harmful crime as it should be.
In fact, it should be illegal and treated the same way as libel and slander.
It’s childish, it’s juvenile and brings me to my last point before we go to chapter one.
There’s barely any books about Adult Bullying on the internet.
It’s sad that there’s more people who would trust social media and yet be afraid to shop online.
Yes, there’s people who think if you shop off of a website which is owned by a big professional trusted company and very secure indeed, something back will happen to you. Not true.
As what I’ve learned about New Thought Spirituality, you got to think about your emotions. People don’t think and take responsibility for thinking, only hiding their emotions thinking that’s emotional stability.
Bondage isn’t healthy.
Most of the things that we’ve heard about regarding cyberbullying and trolling is usually school kids and even teenagers. The only things that’s really up front about adult bullying online at all is celebrities being bullied on their social media accounts.
Anyone in the public eye is going to get fan mail and hate mail.
But what about you? Or even those who are starting out?
If I know me which I know me more the anyone, it’s that I care about people even if they are great individuals who don’t conform to the masses of society.
I know there’s like minded people out there, the proof is that your are going to read this book and hopefully will give you self-confidence more then ever before and learn something new to make your life a little more brighter and happy regardless of situation.
Again, your not alone.
1. Adults Get Bullied Too
As I said within my introduction, most of the stories and information out there is usually about and for children and teenagers who get bullied online.
The only thing for adults I seen was called “workplace bullying”. But let me ask you this, what about the unemployed, or one’s who own or starting up their small business ? Do they not matter ? It’s like in demographic market research separating the interests of man and woman, but what about masculine women and androgynous and even gay men ? Do we not matter ? I’ll talk about how people of the LGBT are indeed victims a little later. I’m a Transgender MTF Woman Lesbian and I’m proudly a member of the LGBT.
What I’m questioning is why is it just workplace, is it just the majority of people in order to sell a book ? If that was the publishers and authors goal then they forgot the most important thing which is the quality of the book and the goal that it will help people. Stop competing for being the #1 best selling book in the world and money and start focusing on giving something that’s going to make a difference in someone’s life. Now in no means am I judging workplace bullying books as they are useful for those who do get bullied in the workplace. From the greedy psychotic boss to the sniffling, snot-headed yes man. Not to stereotype but I’ve seen some who were bald in their 30s with glasses. Sure there are bald people who are extremely nice and also where glasses, but this brings me to an interesting point of what creates a bully. It’s the same way if someone has a bad day and takes it out on someone except they never feel guilty.
Even though this book is not specifically about how to deal with bullying in a workplace, I will use this as an example to kickstart the book with no scratch or bump to the legs. Also a bit of humor helps, don’t you think ? Laughter is the best medicine. But on a seriously note, if you don’t like a job and if it’s an abusive environment. Quit ! Become self employed and start your own small business and throw away the office politics of unnecessary thoughtless conformity.
Now back to the example. I’m not trying to sound politically correct but just to be fair say there was two men who were both bald and wore glasses. One was nice and one wasn’t. The one with an attitude starts having an outburst that would best suit a bratty 2 year old. “YOU SHUT UP! YOU SHUT THE **** UP! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE! BECAUSE YOUR [judgement of appearance], YOUR PROBABLY A [slur], AND YOUR BALD, YOU WEAR GLASSES AND NOBODY LOVES YOU!” and storms out or gets back to work pretending that nothing happened leaving you confused and a bit ensure.
I feel the biggest issue regarding bullies is adult bullies because if they did something wrong, it’s not as simple as letting the teacher or having a parent speak to a parent. In fact, barely any authority takes action unless there’s psychical damage or you have a lot of money so much in fact that your willing to take legal civil action in court. But you would have to hire people to track them down so you know where they are at. And it’s so complicated. And that is what is scary. People say that you should never feed the Trolls (which we’ll talk later about in this very book.), but does that mean that we can’t stand up for our civil rights and allow their fear to control us? Is that mean we got to pretend it’s not happening? What about your public image ?
Today in the internet age, the most popular use of the internet still seems to be next to the news is “Social Media / Social Networking”. You know of the names. You can connect with your friends and family and even unite contact with your old high school and college buddies you haven’t spoken to for years. I personally don’t like social media and only use it to help promote and market my website because I feel it’s not as personal as a private phone call / video call or visiting and spending time together in real life. Sadly there are people out there who have personality disorders which they pretend to be your friend so they can turn you into a punching bag and subject of humiliation publicly online. Some people you might now in person or have known and if you do, make sure to have a file at your local police department. If the abuse contact forms of the websites don’t help, then make sure you’ve got a plan to sue them once you have the money. Though this book won’t teach you how to do that and all hope is not lost because this book is going to teach you how to not let it effect your life. Also there are some sick people from teens to middle aged adults who treat the internet as the next prank phone call. It’s only a joke in their eyes but in truth, it’s committing libel and slander if in text, doctored image or even a video pretending to be someone who’s life threatening. Don’t be fooled if they pose as a terrorist or something politically stereotypical. They are just basically bullies.
Before I go towards the steps, I want to talk about something which I’m pretty sure that I’ve heard someone say once before. That is to be very careful on the internet. But with no details being said, this can cause people to be very scared and insecure that they never want to use the internet or computers. But it’s just like the telephone or a mailing address, it’s not an opinion anymore. But again, this book will help you gain confidence and most importantly control of your life back.
Now everybody uses the internet in different ways. Same as a library, people want to study and learn about different information from how to do their taxes online to the history of sailboats. Though with the internet, what you search is what you get. The worst thing you can do on the internet is not the fact of submitting something about yourself to the internet but searching your own name and information. As scary as it is, private information is becoming public information. Everything is going to the internet and I mean everything. Now I don’t want you to be scared and panic because this stuff has been on there for quite awhile. But let me introduce you to the ultimate medication which is never taught in schools, parenting, and even your doctors and not only is it legal and safe, it’s civil and natural. It’s called “Thinking.” Don’t go searching for trouble. Human beings fear things and worry all the time. If you study the psychology of human fears and you really think about it, it will become downright ridiculous. Sadly people are so self-conscious and worry about what others think of them that they don’t even know the people they worry about feel exactly the same about you. In the case of public information on the internet, let me ask you this. If that information has been there for years without you knowing and nothing bad happened to you, then why worry ?
You didn’t put it up there. It’s not like your social security number or banking account or anything like that. Most likely, your probably an adverse person which no one knows who you are expect your friends and family.
2. anonymous vs Public Eye Figure
Most people prefer to be private and feel safe. Most human worries are about social matter which in many causes are more focused upon then psychical harm like death. With that being the cause, authority feels psychical harm is more important and civil you’ll have to pay for yourself. And I know, that’s not fair. But keep in mind, this book will set things right and make you feel better. Anyway, everybody wants privacy. On message forums for example, it’s usually wise to have a user name when chatting publicly. But like I said, when you experience trouble on a website, contact the webmaster and if they can’t help you then move on.
But easier said then done right? Well I’ll cover self esteem a little later in this book. Alright, so we can all relate to privacy right. Though personally my feeling and philosophy truly is that we are all human and the only privacy we need is our civil rights, and private rooms when ever we are nude showering, going potty (again, humor is a good thing) and making love to our soulmate. Even those who are in the pubic eye need their quiet time and alone time, who doesn’t. Even the most extroverted talkative folk need time to recharge and quiet leisure time. We all need to sleep and take naps so alone time here and there, even time to think and or calm down is just plain human. However…
If you want to accomplish your goals and dreams like a small business or even fame with your talents. Writing a book (like this one), running a website (like mine www.officialericcrooks.com ), if your a politician or meeting a new friend in a social group, it’s public. Now human beings have this need that animals don’t usually have which is communication and intellectual factors. We’re all different. Some prefer to be alone with a small social life and pretty basic and normal. Others want to achieve big goals that bring meaning to the world. Well, like me I suppose. But what I’ve learned is that there’s one sacrifice. That is, you will lose your privacy.
Sure you’ll still have your civil rights to be left alone when you go to the toilet and read a book at home, but there’s never a choice. Once your in the public eye, you can never turn back. You will be a celebrity for what you bring into the world. But it’s not bad at all, your bringing something of value to like minded people, you could even become rich and wealthy. But of course don’t let ego take over otherwise you’ll damage it and let what people say and think about you control your life yet again.
Even though I sort of stated that being in the public eye is somewhat of a choice, well culture and technology is different today. Lies can be spread faster then ever before. This brings me to my example in my introduction on cyberbullies and trolls. It could be someone you know, or it could be someone who doesn’t like you. But keep in mind you didn’t do anything wrong, they hate themselves and they don’t want responsibility. You need to take responsibility for yourself so accomplishing something big and even going on the news to expose the truth of someone who bullied you can easily clear your name publicly.
No one should ever give into fear. Wars happen so countries can protect itself from non-free countries. It’s not harmonious but like what this book will do for you, it will protect you for the time being.
Just look at celebrities and public figures and the history of them. Someone told me something on the subject of sociology on how culture and technology can change but human behavior doesn’t. Talented or just their to make cheap money, they had to deal with hate mail as well as fan mail. Fortunately they receive more fan mail then hate mail. But sometimes it can get so much that you just can’t read them all nor do you have to. You can hire someone, hire someone to take care of your social media for you.
Like anyone starting a small business, starting out is the hardest part. In order to sell, people need to know your name. People need to remember you, people need to spread world of mouth. And on the internet, people will talk about you however they want. Including those evil cyberbullies and trolls who will do their best to ruin your public image.
This took me a long time to realize but when your starting out, that one cyberbully & troll or even small group doesn’t have the ability to ruin you. I told you my ex-friend has kept it up since 2009 and continues to this day. But I’ll tell you this, no matter how they did it on and offline, I did not get killed, I did not get arrested. And it brings me to my next chapter and couldn’t be anymore relevant.
3. You did not do anything wrong.
It’s their problem, not your responsibility.
The internet age is really in your face. The beautiful thing is that it just brings us closer then ever before. We can become and do anything we wish to do and become and opportunities to create our lives more so and even to create our own opportunities. But you know, most people still are learning about the internet. That’s why I say to never search your name. You’ll get anything, from what you created to negativity, someone putting you down, and perhaps a positive fan site or two. Good reviews, Bad reviews, everyone is a critic. Even you. But your responsibility isn’t to moderate it. It took me awhile to learn this myself. Success on the internet will become so fast that if you put an email address on there, it will be flooded without control. You might even get floods of mail to your personal address even though you didn’t put it online. Yep, this is the life outside the mass majority called “the successful”. So be proud. Again, it’s best to hire people to take care of social media and even hire people to be your personal watch dogs to take down anything suspicious. Small Business doesn’t have time to focus on this, bigger businesses can hire people to do it for them so you can focus on doing the good that you do best.
So your feeling great, your on top of the world. But no matter where you are, someone is going to do their best to make you feel terrible. Remember, this is the internet. No one censors what they say. And they will be so sick that they’ll convince you, they will offend you. But whatever you do, DO NOT RESPOND TO THEM! WHY?
Because that’s what cyberbullying and trolling is all about. It’s like a prank phone call but in this case no one can track their number or in this case Internet Service Provider number because they have a software block.
They will even scare you and make you think that you owe them lots of money, they’ll even threaten you to the worst extreme. They will threaten to hurt you, they will threaten to hurt people, they’ll pretend to be you online and get someone angry and even pretend to be you bullying people with disabilities and perhaps even psychopaths. Even though you are safe, still report to the police. But don’t be the watch dog. Don’t waste your life staring out the window and door. Most likely, it’s nothing more but a sick joke in their mind. Except they hate you.
Why would they hate you? You didn’t hurt them?
Again Do Not communicate with them. They hate themselves, they had a tragic even in their lives, they don’t think about their actions. They are an adult baby.
Now how extreme can a Cyberbully / Troll get ? Well I’ll tell you this. They will say anything because they think it’s covered by freedom of speech. They are juvenile bad boys who probably laugh and think they are cool every time they go into a police car. Even if they are 33 years of age. Whatever untrue thing they say about you, they are the pathetic losers. And most people know that. Even though cyberbullying and trolling is treated wrongfully with the excuses like art, satire, prank, fun and games, practical joke. It’s neither of these. It’s juvenile delinquency and anarchic libel and slander. But there’s a catch. They do not want to get caught. That’s their goal. They want to throw rocks at the beehive without getting stung. But if you want the truth of how safe you are. Here’s the answer. You notice how fast psychotic serial killers and robbers get arrested even if they didn’t do any harm yet but plan on doing ? That’s the worst crime that any human being can do. Even with the internet, bank companies and professionals have the technology to track anyone down.
Also keep in mind, any one who lies on a regular basis will began to forget their previous lies and get caught in their own trap.
Like I mentioned that even though my website has social media accounts, I don’t update it or even use them. They are to help the site and a bit of a playground for fans to chat. I state in my websites’ policy that if any social activity that goes wrong on there is not my website’s fault but those of the social media site itself. It’s not selfish at all. Go to an official social media page of a well known company’s and you can see it’s impossible to moderate. If you run a social media site, it’s your job to do so. But if your a customer and no one will help you and if the site is famous and gets good SEO for your website, then might as well be free unsolicited advertising. But I don’t like taking advantage of people and since many people are so addicted to online socializing, it’s a playground for them. Also if a cyberbully / troll tries to screw with you, if you got a strong cult fan-base, they will kick their ass for you.
Also what I did was I set my social media accounts on it’s own email addresses so if I did get cyberbullies and trolls trying to ruin me with libel and slander, it would be so easy to give it to authority.
Now there’s two cons and pros about being anonymous and being in the public eye. Yes, you can do both.
Pro : You can privately have a conversation with someone and learn new information in complete safety just in case they were a liar.
Con : Cyberbullies and Trolls use the advantages of internet anonymity immorally and unethically so they won’t get caught.
Okay, now you know that your perfectly safe. That’s great and probably the most important thing in the book I can offer.
Now I’m going to make things interesting.
I’m going to expose what Cyberbullies and Trolls don’t want you to ever know about them. More importantly, I’m going to expose the truth of what any bully and mean cruel jerk would never ever want you to know. Yes, they are NOT the scary, life threatening monster they appear to be. In fact, they are cowards who are afraid of you and feel they need to fight, be tough and scare people so they are secure. Their minds are in bondage because they don’t think. So many are mentally ill and sadly cause the innocent mental illness which they need to worth through like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
So no matter how anonymous they want to pretend, how many accounts, pretending to be you or another victim they bullied under your name, face, and blog videos and website url link. Nothing can hide them from intellectual psychological science. A Bullies worst enemy.
I’ve mentioned on my personal blog on my website officialericcrooks.com that I don’t believe people are evil, their behavior is just bad. They need help but they are fraud of it. The big bully afraid to go to the doctor. A crawling dog afraid of a dog lover or barking at you because they want themselves and their master to feel safe. It’s pretty much the same behavior Not everything is what it seems.
4. What makes a bully and why do they harm the innocent and even themselves ? : Exposing the secret they don’t want you ever know about. EVER ! THE TRUTH !
Before I get to revealing this cruel, evil monster by pulling off the ghost sheets and exposing this coward there’s something that a lot of people don’t know. There’s two kinds of Trolls. How do I know this ? I’ve meet a couple of people in real life who were very nice and caring people to told me, yes actually admitted that they troll online. But this is not cyberbullying and the trolling that you and I have been victims to. These people who I just mentioned are more like pranksters. They like to send silly emails to their friends. Remember scare pranks online where it’s a picture asking you to find a ghost and within 2 or 3 minutes of nothing a gruesome image pops in your face with booming loud screaming and you either fall on the floor or jump a few feet near a close by exit. Like the origins of the KKK, it started out with college students dressed as ghosts to prank and scare slaves. Of course it was the racist humor of it’s time, but originally it was never meant to develop into the social terrorism it became. Perhaps that’s exactly what happened to Trolling, someone took it to an evil demented level.
So Trolling according to these people I’ve meet isn’t trolling at all. In fact it’s practical jokes and pranks. And I personally love practical jokes and pranks. I think it’s a very healthy way to allow your devil may care self run wild. We all know that April Fools Day is way to predictable. But my kind of prank humor is more silly and innocent. I like to surprise people with confusion, it’s quite campy. Something weird, outrageous that leaves the person speechless and confused. That reaction I find absolutely hilarious. And I’m sure to a degree perhaps you have a little prankster within yourself. But as a humor teacher taught me once in high school, our dark senses of humor and it’s degree really depends on the individual. Going to far is only opinion.
However I stand my political moral ground when I see something that is just plain wrong. It has nothing to do with opinion at all. And I’m very open minded and diverse but if I have a prejudice, it’s mean, stupid and even angry people. I do not take kindly to them at all. Now I’ve read about extreme pranks like someone mooning making a silly noise and another shoving a cigarette up the other’s butt to someone taking a dump in a shower of a shared dorm shower. Even though I’m not one who would ever do that or even a painful stunt (like a certain TV show that most know about from the 1990s and it’s related 3 movies), even though it’s more on the low brow side I would get a chuckle out of the stories itself still. But what I’m taking about is ones that involves someone or a group to sadistically harming the innocent. Not much different them someone causing a horrible crime like rape or murder for example or harming an animal or child for the sake of a streaming web video, and yes cyberbullying and trolling that you and I were innocent victims of. It’s not humorous at all, one word describes it simple and clarifies at it’s best.
An example is something I’ve seen on the news. It’s not as extreme as the evil crimes that I’ve previously listed as example, however it is indeed disgusting and sick.
There was a news item which a security camera captured where 3 teenage males walked in with a big full bucket of their urine inside a gas station convenience store and they dump the whole thing right on this innocent elderly woman who was probably paying for gas or a lottery ticket.
Unfortunately Shock Value is just as popular on the internet as pornography but of course not as innocent and naturally human.
In the case of the evil cyberbully trolling, it’s not only verbal shockers that would offend but visually too. They can doctor a picture of you with a black eye or dress you up as a terrorist. They can steal your identity and make you look just as bad as one. They want to spread lies and all that junk that’s not true. And if your not in the public eye or just starting out, then doing your best to gain a huge positive public eye image is the best thing you can do but it does have it’s advantages. If you become rich online, you can hire a team of people and send that creep to jail. But just like removing giant graffiti it will take lots of money. And they could even find out where you live and your phone number and do something with it like have people send hate mail to something you didn’t do, etc. But like I said, this book will help you gain confidence. Because here’s the truth. That’s the worst they can do. I was bullied by the same person from 2009 - present day. But I ignore him. Trolls and Cyberbullies will get up and close to you and do anything to get you angry and scared. But their goal isn’t to scare you to the point of depression. They want you to act out on them. They want to see your reaction because that is the punchline to the sick joke they are waiting for. I’ll tell you this, as of today that I write this book.
.I have not been psychically hurt
.My legal identity is safe and secure
.My public image wasn’t damaged to the point of an angry mob coming after me
and finally the more I wrote on my blog and supported my official website www.officialericcrooks.com to regain my public image which I didn’t involve the internet from 2009-2012, even though it was likely that their bullying junk was the only thing on me, no scratch ever appeared on my body.
What I find amusing is that the more they continue, the more pathetic they look.
I’ve recently came to the conclusion, they actually believe that I have special needs and would get upset by anything. I won’t lie to you that in the past my father screamed at me “We’re going to get bombed and it’s all your fault. No more cartoons, no more and that’s the bottom line.” It took me years to recover my self-confidence, self-image, my love of satire comedy of puppets and cartoons, etc
But like I said, when I got into New Thought Spirituality, I discovered who I really was. Erica.
I’ll cover more on that later. Now back to what I’m proving here.
These people are not psycho killers, in fact they only have one rule of thumb
“Don’t GET CAUGHT!”
Just as juvenile as someone teasing a wild animal doing whatever they can to piss them off. But in this case, it’s people and the animal isn’t as vicious as they think. Even though like I said, there’s a devil-may-care dark sense of humor in all of us that wants to yell at the loin in the cage so they can run toward us or to make silly window faces at the sharks in the aquarium tank. There’s sick people who find the psychical harm of animals hilarious and not silly teasing and confusion like I’ve stated previously.
Okay, so you know it’s a bunch of juvenile delinquency. And your psychically secure. Only emotionally you got to protect, don’t search your name because it’s a bunch of negative illusions.
If you think of it, it’s so easy for someone to do that. It makes the cruelest of prank phone calls look so take and innocent. It’s like someone pretending to be someone famous or the president saying something scary or bad about you. It’s upsetting to the victim which no one thinks there’s always a human on the other end. But of course, it’s technically illegal and not even a funny prank at all.
One of the main advices and the best one you can ever hear to help you with your emotional health is
And if you were going to take legal action, hire people to search it for you. You went through enough stress already.
One thing that I’m sure you heard of is that the more you ignore and not answer to the bully, they will get bored and move on to a different victim.
This maybe true to many but of course this book, we are dealing with the worst one to date. And like I said, if you ever seen these people in real life, you’d laugh like crazy and perhaps see why they hate themselves. Some have very ugly faces, silly voices, they are short, bald and with glasses ( remember that ? from the first chapter or so ), etc. They hate themselves. But they aren’t all teenagers. They are adults. Some are even at the age of 33 shocking enough. Even older like middle aged.
The big question that summarizes it all in one simple, clear word.
Enough suspense, here’s the answer. In fact this not only covers cyberbullies and trolls, but the meanest of jerks and bullies. Remember it’s not your fault, it’s their problem. Mental problem in fact. And I don’t care how much this politically correct world will hate me for revealing the truth because this is science damn it. We lived in fear and pain for way too long. And the only way to face your fear is not to communicate with it’s irrationality and unreasoning, but expose understanding. Yes, it’s true.
They are mentally ill and have personality disorders.
Remember, I’m not judgmental and very deserve. But like a wild animal foaming at the mouth doesn’t mean they are a demon from hell. They are sick, they don’t feel safe, they hate themselves., they hate others who differ from them either because they think they are weak and it’s related to a bully who hurt them think they were weak in the past. Or perhaps a bully had that very difference. But we all know that revenge is just plain dumb. Because you don’t think. Just because you hate someone doesn’t mean you should run out and hurt them and dedicate your life to it. Besides don’t we have our bad days where we feel stuck and angry at life or something and sadly take it out on people when we don’t mean to. Well most people control that anger, some don’t.
But what is Personality Disorders and why is it connected to bullying ?
5 Personality Disorders and bullying
There’s many personality disorders out there and we should all know if someone is disabled or mentally ill doesn’t mean they are evil and mean to hurt you. Even though I am still recovering from a mild case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I still have to fight off mentally anxiety insecurity triggering thoughts and the sort of OCDness of checking proof of security. Today I control my thoughts and tell me “No, it’s ridiculous. Let’s focus on what I want and what I like instead.”
But there are people who aren’t aware that they are mentally ill. Now I’ve mentioned that I was mis-diagnosed and everyone around me made me believe I had symptoms that I don’t. It was embarrassing how much I actually believed I had it. But I shouldn’t feel guilty. It was a sad time where I was still trying to find and figure out myself, who I am and what makes me different and how to love my differences. So technically I would eventually love who I am no matter what.
What I find so ironic was my father and his wife were verbally abusive to me. They controlled me through fear. I tried to love my father but he scared me and was mean to me too much. He did nice things though he didn’t know how to be emotionally supportive and sensitive and caring. He thought buying me everything relating to my strongest interests was a way to show father and son love. Though I think he would hate me being Transgender. He and his wife were very strange indeed. They were both serious people and kind of influenced the Serious People and The Society Corp Government from my Satirical Comedy Puppet / Cartoon Show “The Eric Crooks Show” since they didn’t like my comedy. Either it didn’t make any sense or it was dangerously offensive to be liberal and free thinking satirical in their minds. They were extremely self-conscious. My father’s wife was an extreme neat freak, she would have an outburst if a newspaper was on a kitchen counter. Their house was almost for complete show and display for visitors that never came. Almost a fear that someone would come and criticize the house. She loved home decor and her dogs where her babies. But sadly she was psychotic and would hit her dogs and scream at them. My father was the body guard, if you made her cry even if she faked it, you could die. That’s why I ran away from them in my early 20s. He threaten to “Beat the shit out of me and send me in the hospital.” I was the nicest kid in their house, in fact I was their slave. Their personal doormat. My attitude was “I’ll do anything you want, just don’t be angry with me. Don’t yell at me.”. I choked myself every night secretly in my room. I hit myself. I wanted to die. But it was The Eric Crooks Show and my satirical talent and dark sense of humor which was the only outlet for not only artistic expression of the wrong things in humanity but I wondered if anyone could relate to me. My plan was if I got famous with my talents and philosophy on the internet, then I can secretly run away. I wanted to run away but I couldn’t. I did not want to make them angry and hate me. Today I joke in my mind that they were bored that I was a nice, sweet hearted hit that they just punished me for little things like not taking out the garbage, not eating at the dinner table, not doing every single damn chore for them which I did. You want to know their daily routine, I’ll tell you. They work at their lousy middle class 9-5 jobs they hate but kept since they were in their teenagers, they come home, I act all friendly and greet them, I do all their chores for them, get drinks for them every hour, I’m their goddamn butler. And I wash their clothes, I do all their dishes with their dish washing machine. You name it. Hard ass work, Television, Sex pretending they are babies “Oh Little Boy !, Oh Little Girl !”, Eat dinner with them so they can tell me how much they hate every single thing about me being and individual, and be forced to water flowers and garden work to make them feel I’m spending quality time with them as a family. Bullshit ! What’s my night like ? Sound recording with a fan blasting at my door and filming a puppet show quietly and secretly at night in the basement and putting it up online. My father started sleeping on the couch probably to act like the watchdog. And yep, that bastard job coach was one of those who called the public access tv station as well as this person with multiple personality disorder who always got arrested and wanted to be the only show at the station. They said I had a suicide threat on TV but it was a dark sketch of a semi-fiction caricature of me named “Eric Crooks” who dies as an artist with no legacy. The very job coach acted like my supporting friend and behind my back pretended to be a terrorist on youtube. I left youtube in 2009. Today it’s mainly my website and the youtube channel is just social media for SEO and for fans to share with caution.
On my website www.officialericcrooks.com I say if it’s not on the website, it’s fake.
“But wait a minute, hold it, hang on and time out! I thought you were going to talk about personality disorders. Not your life story which you already did? What’s your point?”
Those people who hurt me in my life, even ex-friends I didn’t even mention. They all have personality disorders. I was mis-diagnosed and they all thought I was mentally ill and just imagining them being mean to me. When I was on my own, I’ve discovered the truth.
Just like the abused children of Westboro Baptist Church, they are isolated from the real world. And the real world really isn’t as cruel and dark as we are told.
My father and his wife had Multiple Personality Disorder and perhaps Schizophrenia. I don’t know, they either raged in anger or was extremely worried or extremely self-conscious. They told me to them, I appeared to be like Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde and they had to step on eggshells so I don’t have massive outbursts and them. It was as though they were thinking and saying the very thing I wanted to tell them first.
Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) is now being referred to Dissociative identity disorder (DID)
This means that they have two or more sets of memories almost as if there’s several different people living in that body. But it’s not like it’s several individual spirits but different behaviors. One moment they are calm, decent, civilized. The next they are verbally abusive, fear controlling and dominating psychopaths.
There’s something I lifted out. When I ran away in 2009, didn’t mean that cyberbully job coach jerk and my parents went away. I didn’t figure out my job coach ex-friend until after he verbally abused my on email and I heard his voice and his friend’s on the bully video. But my father I feared even when he abused me in childhood. So if him and his wife wanted to visit me for a birthday or Christmas dinner, I thought it was going to be my last day on planet Earth every time. I’m shaking in fear constantly asking my supportive mother to not tell them anything about my personal life and just make up junk they would approve. They did talk junk about my apartment and saying that I was so overweight that I will gain diabetes. Okay so I’m a chubby BBW. But I can walk, I do all the time. I don’t over eat and rarely eat junk food. Just my lack of excursive beyond walking. Perhaps I need to join a Gym again. Anyway, they starting buying me 4 XL shirts that were giant. Same with jeans that kept falling down without a belt. Not the hippy silky clothes that I much prefer in my wardrobe. Quite expensive.
But there were two memories that really exposed them. One was when they drove where I lived (which was outside their state), rang my doorbell to verbally abuse me thinking that I’m a terrorist online. They never believed that I was bullied. They thought that because of the disability they mis-diagnosed me with, I find things that are funny which are completely anti-social and criminal. That’s pretty messed up thinking, especially the idea in their mind that a puppet show would end me up in jail. How ridiculous. Yes, there’s bullies online who imitate my show but I’m a real professional social political satirical puppeteer. It’s only comedy and film literature satirical fiction.
But that day, I looked at them straight faced and calm. I told them that that wasn’t me online, that’s someone who stolen my identity.
And then I ignored my nervousness, faced my fear and told them
“And I have something to tell you. Before I do, you need to promise me something. You need to be open minded, nonjudgmental and if you start yelling and screaming at me. I’m going to throw you out because your in my apartment.”
They not only surprisingly agreed calmly, they questioned what I was asking.
“The doctor told me that I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to nightmares about you every night and being in fear every single day. They told me that you verbally abused me. That’s why I suffer from it.”
They looked at each other in complete shocked and my father’s wife answered sarcastically and rudely
“Well I’m sorry YOU feel that way but we did nothing wrong. We always thought the best for you and this is the thanks we get. Well we are going to call that therapist of yours and give them a piece of our mind.”
And they both stormed out. They never called my therapist.
This showed me they truly don’t care.
They hated everything about me. My humor talents and when I was coming out as Androgyne Queer Heterosexual.
Today as a Transwoman Lesbian who loves Masculine Butch Women romanticly, I don’t think they would take kindly to that.
Finally the latest I’ve heard from them. They called my mother because I didn’t give them my phone number screaming at her that I did not wish him and his wife a happy birthday, father’s day, mother’s day, Christmas, etc. Not only did my mother save me from me killing myself by running away (leaving most of my prized possessions, my original comics from high school and the original Eric Crooks Show puppets from 2006 - 2009 behind), but she told them off. She suffered with deep depression, a learning disability and low self-confidence and I can’t thank her enough for having a kind soul doing this. She told him that I wanted nothing to do with him and I wanted him to leave me alone. He was very upset and used anger to hide his sadness as he did when I left. He always hid the tears from his eyes which I find pathetically too self-conscious. He asked WHY and my mother told him again that he gave me Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and he and his wife hate everything about me. “Well em, he did good at school. I’m proud of him for that.” (Because he abused me to fear in my high school years and college. Straight A+ High Honors student indeed. Humph! )
And here’s when it got good.
“What about his creative talents? You discouraged him of that.”
Do you want to know his reaction ?
“Now when did I ever do and say that. I never did. Where did he hear that?”
His wife was always known for whispering in his hear having him be her personal body guard and to get away with saying verbally abusive things.
“Well you betta get his stuff out of my basement quick or I’ll throw it away.”
He called my mother before she changed her number.
“We’ll keep the stuff safe. Just, just say in contact.”
Do any fans of The Eric Crooks Show or my satirical comedy work, it’s still unknown if damage was done by them of my property. Due to my apartment and my mother stupidly saying there isn’t any room, it’s sadly still unknown.
Enough telling my life’s story, what’s my point?
They didn’t know what they did. They don’t even remember being abusive. They thought I did what they did. Both of them yelled and screamed at each other and then 5 minutes acted like it never even happened. I tried to talk to them as adults, and even then their version of the story was very tame and not very accurate to their abusive behavior Even hitting the dogs screaming “NOOOOO!” if they ran around the house and jumping on their couch. A good friend told me something that I find very humorous. Someday, they will get bit by those dogs. I sure hope so. My father’s wife couldn’t give birth due to babies dying inside her. But I would be scared if they were to adopt. Another child abused in the house from hell.
But still as hard as it is for me to do, I must forgive them. Not to them but in my heart. Again, there are no evil people. Today I’m sure they probably talk to me trying to figure out what happened which they can’t even remember. They might have seen my official site. Still, they were respectful for leaving me alone. My father owns a shotgun which he once threatened to shoot squirrels from his wife’s precious garden and even tried to hurt her puppies with a shovel which she was surprisingly laughing one point and then next crying and screaming in frightful terror.
This man used to be a cop and now builds submarines for the government. The wife is a nurse. That’s downright frightening.
In no way am I trying to humiliate them because I will not give out names or locations. This book is for the education of adult bullies and sadly many families are and if not most. Only few are happy families.
And sadly it was passed on from their abusive parents.
My mother also had abusive parents. Perhaps it effected her depression. So it goes to show that abuse can happen to any victim, but the victim must choose not to let it get to them. And of course this victim has written this book that you are reading.
Don’t let it ruin your life.
In no way in this book am I being unfair to those of personality disorders. Again, they are not evil. I find it said that they aren’t aware of it and get help for themselves. That’s the problem with any kind of jerks. Mentally we should ignore but some of these people can be very destructive. Most cases to their own lives. They lose life partners, family and friends who once cared and supportive them.
And as sad as it is, their anti-social illness can be so damaging that an innocent person like me could easily get Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and spend years recovering and fighting for mental strength.
Before you can help others, you need to help yourself. And sadly we just need to say goodbye to those who are toxic to our mental health. Once more I know that my father had a kind heart and he did to some good things for me and so did his life and I appreciate that. But when you have a scale of more wrong doing then good, well it’s obvious.
Now let’s time to talk about this Cyberbully Troll. I already told you about this person. Now let’s talk about Narcissists and Sadism.
First, what is Narcissism and what is Sadism?
Well Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental disorder where someone is surfer and beyond being self-centered. But someone who is so obsessed with themselves that they want power. They want you to view them as superior and see themselves as God basically. But they have a lack of empathy and they are often loners for taking advantage of people they associate with to get what they want as if they are cardboard. They might have talent but most would refuse to do anything to improve it because their ego is the dominate function in the mind. Now it’s normal to have a great self-image and know you can do and become anything you want. But that of course is totally different from NPD. But of course they have very low self-esteem and can not take criticism. That’s why they feel they need to humiliate others and hurt the innocent so they feel confident and strength.
Even though those with NPD have a focused ego problem, they are not very self-confident at all. They are very fragile. And if any criticism or questioning comes to mind, they are extremely defensive. They can blame everything on others and is overly critical on the inadequacies of someone’s judgements, opinions and logical thoughts on their behavior. felling like they are the innocent victim. Or they would do something nice for someone and feel like they were taken advantage of. They could possibly even be secretly self-conscious. From parental abuse or overly smothering, situations from the outside like any mental disorder can never be predicted except perhaps the personality of the individual. The majority of people’s personality types are usually judging and focus on the outside reality and don’t ever take personal discipline and responsibility for thinking that what someone says about you can be rejected and never given second thought. Taking this social political issue of conforming under peer pressure, it’s far more extreme, confusing and scary for anyone with a mental illness
So with that being said, how could someone with NPD be associated with Cyberbullying and Trolling. It’s simply because of their extreme low self-confidence and any criticism or opinion which is not praising them on a superior level which they see themselves as, if the other’s thoughts don’t match their thoughts that they are better then the other, they will get very pissed. They’ll do anything to prove you wrong, they want you to feel sorry that you ever dared think for yourself. That’s why some people NPD are cult leaders. They will be dominate, they will hurt you mentally, totally unaware of the anti-social behavior they can display. It might even go to the point of rage and destruction. You are not going to make then feel rejected or looked like a full, so what are they going to do? Well one of them of course is humiliate you on the internet, ruin your reputation. If they can’t be loved by you meaning you only love them and no one else just like them, then they want you to fear them.
They have no remorse. As long as they have themselves, they don’t need anyone else. If you disagree with them in anyway, they want you to feel sorry. As mean, vicious and cruel as this is. There’s someone crying inside them who’s crying and in pain. Sadly they see and think things that are not there. A lack of consciousness indeed. And it’s very sad.
This was the very behavior that I seen in my final personal communication with my ex-friend who him and his buddy I was sadly discover the unfortunate truth that they were the cyberbully troll this whole time. His friend and him wanted me to animate films for them which they seemed very disorganized and overly demanding and dominate in their request of changes. I asked for them to join me in a casual friendly meeting to discuss better ways to keep production organized as so they can stop telling me that I can’t have time to myself, my other projects and spending time with my friend and mother. They said some not nice things about my friend mocking his high functioning autism such as “leave him in a corner of a room and turn on a lava lamp.” Everything they said, I took as an irreverent joke that didn’t have any meaning except rough playfulness. Even them saying my taste of music sucked and sarcastically imitating it I took as satire which cracked me up. They were trying to hurt my feelings. Even occasional insults they would clear their throat and say “never mind”.
They told me that they were psychos and his friend said that my friend is a big baby, the youngest one in the family. A self centered egoist. I laughed in disbelief thinking that this was a joke so I emailed him quoting that if we was in truth a psychopath then he can learn animation himself and fall flat on his face. But of course I was only joking because I knew this casual guy with a satirical sense of humor would be able to take it as a good sport I knew he was. How wrong I was. The 5 year friendship and trust was nothing more but a game to play of the fat, mentally retarded queer who’s obsessed with puppet and cartoon filmmaking, right? This extremely defensive email comes to me saying how I’m a self centered maniac who thinks everything I do is wonderful even though they all suck. And I need to listen to people and not believe in myself. This insane email was written on a freakin iPhone. He probably had to put it in a bowl of ice water afterwords. But I did call him crying my heart out. “Your one of my best friends, how could you be so mean to me over a rough teasing playful joke like that? You’ve changed.” And he told me if I was really sorry, I’d mean it. “We’d never make fun of you, your a good KID.” Only 6 or 7 years difference.
Before this happened, this probably explains the sadistic side to them. He played me the bully video and laughing as he watched me squirm as I told him “A parody is one thing, it’s another where this demented sick individual is pissing on my hard work and effort and my identity for no reason at all. I didn’t do anything wrong with who ever this is.”
He with a giant smirk on his face said “Yeah yeah, sorry about that man. Hey listen [him and his friend] are going to go after this doucebag for yeah. We might even know who it is and how to get him for you. It would be like opening presents on Christmas morning.” he calls up his friend “Hey asshole, how dare you say that about my friend. Only kidding it’s only me man. Come on over.”
I didn’t judge, even the hidden messages of their films and scripts I’ve seen and helped them with. I thought they were my good friends, comedy lovers supporting each other to follow our dreams and be free thinking rebels. I actually thought that day of all the men that have bullied me, I can say here’s two good men who I know personally that are good friends of mine who would never hurt me.
It’s because I was a nonjudgmental friendly doormat who trusted them. Just call me “Welcome”.
Then I heard their voices behind their cheap imitated puppets, figured out anything they ever told me which was an inside joke of what they were doing.
“Someone is pulling your leg man, probably a jerk off you know very well.”
I didn’t listen to the signs, not even them laughing like crazy when they walked down the stairs of my apartment building. Not even coming over to do voices and screamed around 2am in sort of character. Lucky my neighbors at the time are hard of hearing.
Due to my father’s anxiety and the unknown of someone who I thought that I knew. I thought I was soon be dead. But in truth it’s all an illusion.
This man who was a job coach with people of disabilities. This prejudice, hate mongered who wasn’t brave enough to scream in my face and even psychically hurt me or even kill me. This spineless coward. I thought this guy misunderstood me and got angry at me. I had to question, maybe him and his friend are sadistic. Anything they ever did was offensive but extremely childish and juvenile. A classic example of a cyberbully troll. So if they really wanted to ruin me, they would go right on television and spread lies in person, so brave and man enough to go to jail in pride. For some reason they are conscious enough not to get caught. Their treats started out like a political threat by terrorists but the more I ignored them, the more pathetic they got. From making me look fat and ugly to having my favorite puppet characters trying to put me down.
However there is this meme that did go viral. I won’t mention it and it doesn’t have my name. But there’s some strange similarities to me and the meme. How I was forced to have very short hair and wore a stripy red and blue shirt which was my favorite shirt at the time. A picture of some unknown guy who was said to have Asperger’s Syndrome and is obsessed with cartoons and had a girlfriend who wore black leather clothing and was into comics and anime and got dumped for being a sensitive caring wimp. Without too much detail, that was being referenced to something that was a private time in my life. then being obsessed with punk women with big breasts and finally a Transwoman who gained a slight bit of weight do to an anxiety disorder from being abused by parents. There was no disclaimer that this meme was a work of fiction. On their form I was called an autistic artist. But then I realized that perhaps this guy who was a job coach hates me not because of me personally but perhaps the triggers of disability or something. Even though this thing reached millions of views and even reported on humor sites, It’s not worth my time to self-analyze it. With my talents, my public image is golden and secure. I don’t care what people think or say about me. It’s their issue and not my responsibly or concern. Besides, their traffic on their site is really piss poor. It’s a bully site. But like I said, when your in the public eye, the biggest challenge which anyone needs to develop the strength is not worry what others say, thing and do to them. Because they will tear you up and stop you from achieving what you want out of life and you must ignore them an concentrate on what your goal and destination is. It’s like Martin Luther King Jr and Jesus Christ. Anyone in the public eye, the ones who boo aren’t praised and won’t have much of a legacy in the history books. Yes they got murdered but their legacy still lives and not those who hated them for being good.
This brings me to the final bit of this chapter still questioning “WHY”. Sadly, as much as it’s sick and rotten. It’s the most popular fad on the internet next to pornography like I said before, is way more innocent and human.
Sadistic personality disorder.
Sadism is of course someone getting pleasure in the pain and suffering of others and even causing pain and suffering both emotional and psychically, sexually and non-sexually. Even the sense of humor of a psychopath. On my blog I’ve mentioned that people who lack a sense of humor and laugh at innocent people with the mindset that there’s something seriously wrong with you, it’s not you, they have a messed up mindset. Satirists and Dark Satirists like myself have the humor that evil and cruelty is dumb, stupid, and should be damned politically and humiliated as stupid. Sadists praise evil as current TV audiences praise stupidity and not damn it like a satirist. That’s why a satirist and a sadist are two completely different things.
So Sadists love all that’s cruel. They could display sick anti-social behavior on and offline and even show aggression and dominance. It could be displayed as something extreme as a murderer but in the case of a cyberbully troll who doesn’t want to get caught, they are more on the lines of emotional distress. However there’s some who actually want to get murderers angry and have innocent people killed for their own pleasure like finding illegal forums and such. Or even pretend to be a life threatening profile to create fear and using the power to control your emotions. But thinking for yourself will cut the strings.
Most sadists enjoy causing negative social damage, especially a weakness to pray on and trigger. Like narcism, it’s like in the since of power. Even serial killers feel this way to a more extreme degree. See how dangerous jerks can be if not taken care of ?
But again, your safe.
What’s interesting comparing NPD and SPD is that one is obsessed with themselves and doesn’t trust anyone around them so they inflict pain on them without guilt or remorse. However SPD seems to be primitively in the goals of pain and suffering in general if gaining power or just for the same of it.
Pain + Suffering = Their pleasure.
And if your emotionally healthy like me, this is very strange which is a good sign.
But there are similarities between the two like anti-social behavior by taking advantage of others without remorse. Hurting innocent people emotionally or psychically to gain power and perhaps they find it hilarious. If pain, sadness, anger or fear to them it’s candy.
How cyberbullies and Trolls don’t want to get caught and of course if they do they could get sued, arrested and send to a mental hospital which should never be an opinion by majority rules. It should be strict political punishment. But because of the internet, they found a playground which they can never get caught. If it’s not psychical, they feel they can get away with it.
A prank call won’t work today, people automatically have caller I.D.
Today these jerks have proxy ISP blocks and have anything to make sure they never get caught for hurting the innocent.
6 The Death of a Cyberbully Troll : They no longer have power over you. Their sick fun is over.
On the lines of anti-social behavior can be in a way of an outlet of senseless anarchy.
Freedom of ani-social behavior and freedom of good and bad.
That ex-friend job coach I’ve mentioned did say a quote I today find very interesting. “There’s no such thing as good vs evil, it’s a bunch of children’s fairy tale shit.”
Again, I think it’s very unlikely that a cyberbully troll would take any damaging psychical act against you because like I stated, authority pays more attention to psychical crimes then what they find is civil. Even death and rape threats which is very sad things like that are not taken seriously.
But the most common reason why people troll is that they think it’s funny. The more cruel it is, the more offensive it is, the more it’s clear that they have a personality disorder and need an outlet to cowardly hide and commit anti-social behavior. Even sending letters in the mail.
Though from my examples that I’ve mentioned was clearly related to Machiavellianism, Narcissism and Sadism.
I was taken advantage of why I thought was a like minded friend who understood me and could relate to me as a free thinker with a satirical sense of humor and a bit of healthy cynicism. Instead he manipulated my trust so I would be his personal punching bag. And really what a creep, I trusted this man for 5 years and talked to him all the time, never suspected him until it was too late. Yet I meet him in 2008 and that cyberbully came about around 2009 so it a way I was easily fooled. But now I have the laugh. Because I have confidence and he can’t hurt me anymore.
Looking back it’s so sad that I actually thought that my life was under threat but today, it’s so insignificant.
I’ve mentioned early in this book that I study new thought spirituality. What is that you might be wondering ? Well another more popular term is The Law of Attraction but there are other spiritual laws too. This helped me a great deal. It might be of use to or not but here it is. New Thought Spirituality is all about how you have the natal ability to create your own psychical reality and have anything you want. If you want a million dollars then New Thought can make it happen at no charge. You want to be the next popular pop star, it can do the trick. You want to lose weight, you want to feel happier in life, you want to meet your soulmate, it’s all positively possible. So is this the only thing in the book that makes no logical sense ? Well let me get into detail, it’s not only psychology but science. Why do people become rich and famous while others suffer in poverty or at a lousy 9-5 job? It’s all about mindset. The dreamers keep dreaming and focusing in a positive clear image in their mind of what they want. The point is, the more you focus on good feeling thoughts and what you really want in life and creating that image, then you will have the energy and a calm mind to make that idea into a theory and act on it. Also there’s a spiritual phenomenon which metapsychics have proven which creates luck and coincidences based on your focused thoughts. But easier said then done, you would need to fight off any negative thought that stops you from concentrating and focusing on the good thought of what you want. It’s called thinking. We can create any thought and remember what we want to remember and even use our imagination and daydream.
Most people only focus on what’s on the outside and claim that’s what’s real and they have no control over it. So if they fear something then they attract it, if they feel happy then they attract it. That’s why things keep getting better on good days and how life can get any worse on bad days.
Cyberbullies and Trolls are like automatic bad thoughts themselves, if you give any focus then your emotions will go out of control, feel bondage and un-healthy. And as humans like animals, we want happy and security, health and wealth. But most people focus on the complete opposite of what we want which is negativity. It sounds strange because we are thinking about it while most of the time, people don’t. It’s never taught and learned by few who are interested in creating and living the life they actually want to manifest into their psychical reality.
Cyberbullies and Trolls love to manipulate your emotions and they’ll do their best to ruin your reputation, get people angry at you by spreading lies,
people write comments, humiliate you, and they are not going to stop….unless you ignore them.
But even then, some continue to do it even if you are paying absolutely no attention, focus and concern over it. I never argued with that bully since 2009, even though my ex-friend still got a kick at my tragic stories.
When my website www.officialericcrooks.com came out, somehow after not speaking to that ex-friend since late spring 2012, he and his friend found the site. Even though they do their best to ruin my site, The Eric Crooks Show and me. They are not winning because I’m not giving in. I refuse to argue them, I refuse to pay attention. They will not control me anymore. And what’s great about being a satirist is that I can make fun at how stupid trolling is. It’s not feeding the trolls, it’s political satire. People find it entertaining, they laugh with me, then it’s just another like minded moral person on my side.
It’s tough controlling and having responsible for your emotions at first and a giant challenge to change your thoughts when a negative one approaches. But when you change your perception on life, things are so much beautiful.
It’s not the outside, it’s you. You control your thoughts which will change the emotion through thoughts then life is so much happier. Just do that and then it seems like magic but you must apply and study in order to understand. It’s working in your life even if you don’t understanding or care to know about the science of mind.
You must ignore them, don’t be the watchdog. Eventually they will ware themselves out. No need to keep checking either. It’s not worth your time.
They truly don’t matter.
They will do anything to upset you. Anything without getting caught. They’ll pretend to be smart even though they are not obviously. They are an adult baby crying out for attention, even bad sadistic attention. They will mock unimportant things about you and what you love. They will try to make you look hated, lies, pretend to be you and bully the innocent so those victims will hate you. The very bully would even create multiple accounts pretending to be different people, even that person who has a crush on you. They will pretend to be a terrorist, nazi, KKK, a dangerous person full of prejudice hate. A crazy angry person screaming and swearing. They will threaten to rape you, hurt you, steal your copyright and sell it, sue you, pretend they are government or someone you know. And they will get closer and closer but they become weaker and weaker the more you ignore them.
And when you focus on better thoughts, they won’t matter.
This is a battle soldier, are you willing to protect your mind? Psychically your safe but you most protect your mind. You don’t fight them, you ignore them.
Never search your name, don’t even pay any attention to them
No matter how convincing and scary they try to be. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore.
Once more, they will do anything to upset you emotionally, anything they can get away with that will trigger your negative emotions of sadness, anger, fear and depression. They love it!
If threat of taking something away from you, violence, humiliating you, appearing in a convincing illusion of terror and dangerous, make you feel alone, even the fear that you could die. DO NOT LISTEN TO THEM. EVEN IF THEY TYPE IN A CAPITALS JUST LIKE THIS!
It’s meaningless, it’s useless information.
But, how do you win and make them stop ?
They will never stop. One can stop but another will come along. As what a good friend told me once “Jerks will be in your life for the rest of your life and they will do their best to get you down. Flick them off your shoulder.” They don’t matter and they can’t harm you if you don’t let them.
You control your life, you control your thoughts. You have the power, you have the control. Why give it to them? Don’t. You won’t give them your social security number and banking account would you? No, of course not. That’s dangerous and stupid.
So why allow them to control your mind, they can make you kill yourself.
Sadly it happened to many people.
My final note is succeed in your life, when you have the money, hire people and sue their ass. But remember, they aren’t the only ones.
Politics change, if we all stick together then we can take away the computers from this adult babies and someday the authority will give them the time out time of a lifetime.
But in the meantime, if you want to help out politically.
This is what you got to do. Tell a friend, help like minded people to the direction of knowledge. Either this very book, my related posts from my blog on officialericcrooks.com, new thought and even other books and articles on the subject.
We must help one another, be there for each other, help them think and study the right information.
Who knows, it could even safe a life.ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Erica Crooks is the creator of the website www.officialericcrooks.com
Erica goes by the stage author name “Eric Crooks” when doing satirical comedy works such as
“The Eric Crooks Anti-Bully Joke Book”,
“The Eric Crooks Show”
Many others on officialericcrooks.com .
So come and visit some time.